Transitioning Through the Holidays, a Mother Learns to Let Go

by Suzannah Gilman, first published on The Gloria Sirens

I have four children, all adults in their twenties now, one about to turn thirty, one married, one getting married in January, and the other two in serious relationships with women they adore.  I wanted this.  I wanted four children.  I wanted big family holidays.

This Christmas Eve and Day, I won’t see any of them.

For years, my four have been saying that they wanted out of Florida, and three of them have gone.  Two moved in January of this year, so this season is the transition challenge for me.  I never imagined that the day would come when my children would all live in different places.  I’m glad that I never imagined being without them on Christmas.

If I dwelled on this long enough, I could have a rollicking pity party.

This hardly seems like Christmas.  I didn’t even put up a tree; I decorated the mantel.  I won’t be staying up half the night on Christmas Eve wrapping presents. I won’t be cooking a big meal. My fiancé and I are grilling steaks.  A single friend is coming over after he has dinner with his brother and his family.  I didn’t do any holiday baking.  I bought a huge tin of cookies at Costco.  Now the song “Blue Christmas” means something to me.

So instead of thinking about what I don’t have, I’ll think about what I do have.


Read the rest (286 more words) here: Transitioning Through the Holidays, a Mother Learns to Let Go

my-little-kids-at-christmas

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Feature: It Is Never Too Late To Feel Beautiful, or To Be Courageous

“You are never too old to try something daring; you are never too young to be inspired to take those steps you’ve been afraid to take.”

Click on “Tracey’s personal statement” to cast a vote for her.  (I don’t know Tracey, but I am inspired by her!)

Laissez Faire

It can be really hard thing to take a risk and put yourself out there.    There is always possibility that the  naysayers are right, or that the little voice in your head gets to say, “I told you so.”    There come a point where life has had too many “I wish I hads” and you just have had enough of being afraid.

My cousin Tracey is participating in the EM Mag Spring Cover shoot on ExploreModeling.com and I want to help her get more support!  Visit her profile and you can choose to  like, share, and to vote for her and give the other contestants a good showing (you can vote up to twenty times every day until the end of the contest).

It takes a lot of courage to try something you've always wanted, but were scared to try for so long. Be inspired!

Tracey’s personal statement:   I am a 51 year old floral designer. For most of my life I’ve been someone’s daughter, wife, mother, employee. A…

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The Longest Day

by Suzannah Gilman

The Univ. of Arizona Poetry Center presented poetry prompts at the opening of their new building in 2007.  This was mine:  “Include in your poem one or more of the following: rope, hands, a rubber band, a legal document, corn starch, and a promise.”  No problem. 

 

It seems so clear—
suddenly? (after twenty-odd years)—
we should not have held hands
on that sticky June morn,
cornstarch sprinkled under our arms,
summer solstice,
June twenty-first.
Now it hurts
to know
(last week you told me on the phone)
the promise we made that day
was all that kept you with me,
hurts like the sting of a rubber band,
over and over again.
This much I know:
dissolution is a good thing
and I’d divorce you again tomorrow,
blessed sunset on the longest day.

 

mother of 4

I emerged the very loved and fulfilled mother of these four people, so my years were not spent in vain.