by Suzannah Gilman, first published on The Gloria Sirens
I have four children, all adults in their twenties now, one about to turn thirty, one married, one getting married in January, and the other two in serious relationships with women they adore. I wanted this. I wanted four children. I wanted big family holidays.
This Christmas Eve and Day, I won’t see any of them.
For years, my four have been saying that they wanted out of Florida, and three of them have gone. Two moved in January of this year, so this season is the transition challenge for me. I never imagined that the day would come when my children would all live in different places. I’m glad that I never imagined being without them on Christmas.
If I dwelled on this long enough, I could have a rollicking pity party.
This hardly seems like Christmas. I didn’t even put up a tree; I decorated the mantel. I won’t be staying up half the night on Christmas Eve wrapping presents. I won’t be cooking a big meal. My fiancé and I are grilling steaks. A single friend is coming over after he has dinner with his brother and his family. I didn’t do any holiday baking. I bought a huge tin of cookies at Costco. Now the song “Blue Christmas” means something to me.
So instead of thinking about what I don’t have, I’ll think about what I do have.
Read the rest (286 more words) here: Transitioning Through the Holidays, a Mother Learns to Let Go