Don’t tell her what to do; talk to her and listen. Offer your help, but understand that to leave or not to leave is her decision. Respect it. And tell her you respect her.
Acknowledge the pain and turmoil she is in, most especially the emotional turmoil. If she doesn’t leave him, don’t give up on her leaving him. Give her love, respect, support, and time. It’s going to take all of that.
I love your advice of patience and understanding. Your right, I know first hand how hard it is to watch someone you love go through this. Making them feel bad for not leaving won’t help them either.
Wow, I’ve never heard of “using male privilege” before, which is funny, because that’s what my husband does to me…